gaining respect

respect, is it something imposed or something earned?
in case, how would you earn it? earning is different when it comes to both sexes.
I came into these realization when everyday of my life now has been in hell from loosing respect not just from the community, from the people around you, even your friends and even your own family.
I studied and graduated in a well-known university with a noble degree in Bachelor of Science in Nursing. When I have graduated, I gained the respect. Your family loves you, respects you and the whole community is so proud of you. I was happm y and contented back then. I was respected because I was fulfilling their dreamsffro and not mine. well, that is what I am thinking now; but in the future, time would tell If I got that right. Their dream was, I will be a nurse working abroad and earning a large sum of salary and married to a doctor or a wealthy man. That was their imagination. That was the dream they have that I need to fulfill. But I, all I want is to have a simple life in my own country with a bunch of kids and a loving husband. My dream is totally unacceptable, for them, being rich is all that is important and I need to be that. On the contrary, I followed my own, I should have been happier, but I'm not. I can't be, because they aren't happy. My husband is not a wealthy man. Perhaps, a self survived man. He wasn't able to finish a good profession since he from a broken family. He grew up supporting oneself from childhood. He isn't tall at all, not an intelligent man, not famous and not from a good family. when I had him for a husband, All the people were laughing at me. All their rotting envy from the past is now laughing at me. They won. They thank destiny for my fate. In front of me, they are showing all the love, care and sympathy, but behind me, I hear them laughing, backstabbing, They are like victorious bulls laughing over ones defeat.
Now,
Im poor.
I can't buy expensive clothes.
I can't even afford a doctors fee.
I can't afford to eat in a fine restaurant.
They felt pity on me that I cant seek a cosmetic help
My life is on the downside.
I should have been happy,
but Im not, you know why. the backstabbing and the discrimination depresses me.
Even my own family, my mother and my grandmother,
I dont have their respect anymore.
I dont have their love.
and If I die today, They may feel sorry for only thinking bout money.
At first, when two of my babies died, they were empathetic, they were loving and caring. But, the reason why they died, is that I lost them because of the pressures and the discrimination that I receive. All their talking and yelling at me. They didn't care if I was pregnant, all they want at first was for me to abort the baby, because they said my husband can't support us. For them, they are thinking that he can't. But if we'll live simply, I know we can survive and even greater than that. I was happy of my babies and was so excited. But all the painful words that comes out of their mouth stabs me, stabs my tummy. and it did.
My life after that, now I'm begging for a coin. A coin of respect from people. They don't care bout your issues all they care is that, they won over you and they could laugh at you. They all look down at me, I am a graduate from a university with a 4 years degree, and passed the board exam by one sitting. Then, they are happy they defeated me. I can't even, visit my kins and the farm, coz the people are all but gossips.

Of all these things happening, I realized

A woman, can't be judged by her degree, her principle, and by her creed but is judged through her husbands pocket.

Insane but true.